NOPE. This isn’t how it happens.

NOPE. This isn’t how it happens.

Blanche, Blanche, Blanche. Why can’t you just trust that you and Ham were not meant to be?

Once might say that Blanche Devereaux has an ego. She was born with charm and good looks to guide her through life and most of the time, has gotten what she wanted as a result (i.e. she has gotten the men she wanted.) However, we all know the one that got away: Ham Lushbough.

Blanche seems to have carried that weight on her ego, er I mean shoulders since college. He was the one man who didn’t want her then, and still didn’t 30 years later. However, Blanche is determined to get him in the sack and refuses to accept that there is a man who doesn’t want her. She essentially throws herself at him, but not in the charming or coy way she usually does with men. She is downright desperate to get that confirmation that he finally wants her. As the episode unfolds, we come to discover that there was a mixup about what happened in college, and Ham confuses sleeping with Blanche with having slept with Virginia (“the worst night I’ve ever spent in bed with a woman in my life!”) As this misunderstanding is cleared up, Ham tries to get his ticket to the Blanche ride, but the ticket office is closed for good.

blanche and ham.png

It’s very out of character for Blanche to put so much effort into going after a man, but it becomes far less about wanting him and far more about wanting confirmation that he wants her. Was it worth it in the end? Some, including Blanche, might say yes. However, I’d argue that if her making less of an effort and yielding the same result would have been far more worth it. She absolutely sacrificed a great deal of pride.

Recently, I was chatting with Courtney Antonioli about the the idea that sometimes when we really want something that isn’t quite moving along and there's potential (however small!) to make it happen, hope can dominate and cause us to do things outside of our typical behavioral parameters in an attempt to move the needle.

It’s almost as if the hope takes over and the thing feels SO close that we figure, ‘Why not help it along? In the throws of the thing being practically within our reach and our hope teetering on excitement we sometimes are willing to extend ourselves, even if it is somewhat out of character or just plain inconvenient.

For example, in high school there were absolutely times when I would take a detour to class or linger at my locker in hopes of bumping into the guy I liked. Usually, if I even saw him the interaction was minimal at best or I didn’t see him at all, and then on top of that I was late to class. As Courtney so succinctly described that scenario: “Okay well .... that didn't pay off.” Undoubtedly, this has happened to just about everyone in some capacity. Have you ever hit that spot when you extend yourself and/or your routine and realize you feel uncomfortable with what you’re doing?


I’m a huge advocate for grabbing life by the balls and going after what you want, but not at the expense of your authentic self. I can’t remember a single example of taking action outside of my normal behavior that yielded a payoff that was worth the stretch or let’s just say it: the inconvenience. More often than not, it yielded nothing which made me a) disappointed because I didn’t get what I wanted, b) stupid for having extended myself so much for no reason, and depending on the circumstances, c) kind of gross for not having been true to myself.

I wonder if, when we put too much effort in and it still doesn’t work out in our favor, the universe is actually trying to tell us, NOPE. This isn’t how it happens.

…whatever it is. When something keeps not working out for you, despite your best efforts to coordinate or funnel it, it’s my personal belief that it’s not meant to work out (or at least, not in the way that you’re trying.)

I think the sweet spot for making sh*t happen can best be summed up as:

Make your own fate with the opportunities presented to you within a spectrum of actions that maintain your integrity, authenticity and fall within or reasonably outside of your comfort zone.

In friendship and cheesecake,




Introvert by way of Motherhood

Introvert by way of Motherhood