A square peg in a round hole
Would you ever have put Dorothy, Blanche and Rose together in high school? Most likely not. They are so different and have such varying interests, but their cores somehow anchor them to one another. Sure they may float around to different places, hobbies or people but in the end, they come back to each other.
Ma, when I was a kid you always told me it wasn’t important to be a member of a popular click. You always said, ‘Just be yourself.’
This is so freakin’ relatable to me because I often feel like a square peg in a round hole. I don’t mean it in that obnoxious, “I’m just so much more unique than most people so I don’t fit in!” kind of way. (I enjoy pumpkin spiced lattes for f*ck’s sake!)
I always roll my eyes when I see people write that sh*t about how “authentic” they are on social media, especially when they’re trying to inspire others to do the same. Here’s the thing; just do it and people will be inspired by that. I’ve mentioned before that in a broad sense, like Rose, “…it’s been my experience that people who talk about it a lot don’t do it very often!” We all bring something unique as long as we’re willing and able to tap into it.
It’s not always liberating or easy to go your own path. Growing up in high school, very few of my friends dressed like me. At times I was given a hard time by the group that did dress like me. We had vastly different interests and personalities so I didn’t try to befriend them. Apparently, that made me “poser” because I wasn’t willing to only associate with people who dressed like me or liked the same music.
I liked what I liked, and I’ve often found myself subconsciously trying to fit into a specific frame of identity that came wrapped in a lot of shoulds (or sometimes should nots.)
If I enjoy X music, I should also like A, B, and C .
If I prefer Y style, then most of my friends should look like that too, right?
If I’m attracted to boys who look like Z then I shouldn’t be into _____.
With that limited mentality (because that’s what it looked like when I saw my peers) I felt like I was doing something wrong. I even felt this in graduate school in my late twenties! I was so sure when I started grad school that I would tightly bond with people who were also interested in design, but that didn’t really pan out. Design, in and of itself, is a tool I use to explore my passion for social justice, express what I’m feeling and bond with others. No one else shared my blend of interests and desire to fuse them. And if they did, we never crossed paths.
I didn’t fit.
I’m accepting that reality. I know that it’s in my nature to seek out people who are different from me so maybe, in a way, it’s my own doing. I still enjoy music and my creativity alone, and I bond with people over personalities and humor. Sometimes there is overlap with creative endeavors, and I certainly support and am inspired by my creative friends. However, I don’t have a group of friends who do exactly what I do.
I truly believe I’m better off for it.
In friendship and cheesecake,